


Reckoning

by rayedictator



Category: Bleach
Genre: Character Development, Confessions, Drama, M/M, Romance, Secrets, Talking, by me not kubo, fix it jesus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-20 08:01:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11916621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rayedictator/pseuds/rayedictator
Summary: Every secret must have its day of reckoning.





	Reckoning

**Author's Note:**

> I have been working on this fic for literal years. You know in Bleach when Ikkaku and Yumichika were shown working together for the first time and they fought zombie!Hitsugaya? Yeah, since then. Kubo won't give his characters proper development so I did it for him. You're welcome Kubo you hack.
> 
> Also there are some similarities in this fic to my other non-AU ikkayumi fics and it's safe to say they all take place in the same universe. Obviously, because they are non-AU. And I take my Ikkaku and Yumichika characterizations very seriously (unlike some people...like their creator...)
> 
> Anyway here's to you ikkayumi. My fictional OTP and a couple of characters I love more than I have any right to.

Yumichika woke unnaturally fast, shooting out of his futon like his body remembered the situation he was in when he was knocked out. His brain, however, needed a minute to catch up.

He looked around the dimly lit room, blearily. It was his room, well, technically Ikkaku's but he'd pretty much moved in once they got their own rooms thanks to their higher positions, complaining that the fifth seat room was too small.

Wait, Ikkaku.

“Ikkaku!” Yumichika said frantically, looking around him.

He relaxed slightly when he saw Ikkaku sleeping in his own futon next to him. Yumichika pulled himself out of his futon to check Ikkaku's condition further.

“You should probably let him rest.”

Yumichika jumped in shock and turned to see Iba sitting in the corner, slightly hidden by shadow which was what made Yumichika miss him before.

“Tetsu,” Yumichika said uselessly, “What are you doing here?”

“The both of you got foisted on to me since I was stupid enough to be hanging around,” Iba complained, “Then of course I got the job of making sure both of you eventually woke up.”

“Why aren't we at the forth division?”

Iba scoffed. “There are enough injured people already without you two idiots hogging the beds.”

Injured?

Suddenly Yumichika remembered the situation they were all in when he was knocked out.

“Aizen! He was defeated?” he asked.

Iba nodded.

“Ichigo?”

“Yeah.”

Yumichika sighed to himself now that he remembered his freak out. He looked at Ikkaku lying next to him.

“He's okay?”

“Yeah, he was patched up beforehand,” Iba sniffed, “I also read him the riot act for not using his bankai when he should have. Not that I think that will help any.”

“Probably not,” Yumichika said, lips quirking upward.

“Not that he's the only hopeless case here,” Iba continued.

Damn, Yumichika was hoping Iba was not privy to what had happened with him. Apparently, Hisagi or Kira had enough time to explain why Yumichika was out before handing him over to Iba.

“I'm not going to do the same to you though,” Iba said, “I know you two got your rules or whatever, but I'm not even going to pretend I know what your relationship is. Besides, you already look like you know what you did wrong at least.”

Yumichika wanted to scoff at Iba talking like their relationship was some secret. It wasn't a secret; they were just professional and private. Anyone who cared to ask would have gotten the truth, but no one ever did.

As for what he did wrong, Yumichika did know. When push really came to shove, he didn't, couldn't, follow the rules.

“You have no idea,” Yumichika muttered, running a hand over his face.

There was a grunt from next to Yumichika and both men looked over to see Ikkaku sitting up.

“Ikkaku! Are you awake?” Yumichika asked.

“Yumi?” Ikkaku had his eyes shut as if in pain and rubbed his head, “Ugh, I feel like I got kicked by a menos.”

“Might as well have,” Iba said, standing.

“Iba?” Ikkaku finally opened his eyes to look around the room.

“Ayasegawa can fill you in,” Iba said, “I got to go inform the fourth division you're both up and then maybe I can finally get some rest myself.”

Iba left the room, sliding the door firmly shut behind him.

“You remember what was going on or do you need a minute?” Yumichika asked.

“Seeing Iba's stupid mug reminded me plenty,” Ikkaku groused.

“Yeah, I heard you got told off.”

Ikkaku grunted. “It's done?”

“Yeah.”

“Probably was out for most of it. How lame,” Ikkaku sighed and sat up, legs crossed. He looked Yumichika up and down. “You okay?”

“I beat the guy I fought if that's what you mean,” Yumichika said, glancing away from Ikkaku. He knew that's not what he meant.

“Iba said he had to tell fourth division we were both awake. You don't look injured though.”

“I was knocked out,” Yumichika said, shortly.

“Someone was able to sneak up on you? Even I can't do that. Besides, who would knock you out and leave you with no injuries?”

“An ally obviously,” Yumichika sniffed.

Ikkaku started looking at him warily and it made Yumichika nervous. He didn't want to tell the truth, but he didn't want to lie either. He already lied to him in the biggest and worst way possible.

“I don't get what it could be that you can't talk to me about,” Ikkaku grumbled.

“I didn't...I couldn't,” Yumichika tried to think of how to put it, “Follow the agreement.”

“Agreement with who?”

“Between us.”

“What agreement?”

“That,” Yumichika took a breath, “That if one of us died that was how it was meant to be and we won't interfere in each others fights.”

“You didn't interfere with my fight,” Ikkaku said, at a loss for what else to say.

“Not for lack of trying,” Yumichika admitted, “When the pillar fell I tried to go over there, but Hisagi tried to stop me and next thing I know I'm waking up here.”

“Why would you care though?” Ikkaku asked.

Yumichika felt a bit gobsmacked at that.

“Are you really asking why I would care if you died?” Yumichika asked.

“Well I mean,” Ikkaku scratched his head, looking uncomfortable, “I guess you'd be sad, yeah, but then you wouldn't have me holding you back.”

“Holding me back,” Yumichika repeats dumbly.

“It's true and you know it,” Ikkaku said with a grunt.

Yumichika looked at Ikkaku, but the other man refused to meet his gaze.

“I love you.”

Yumichika paused then savoring how the words sat heavy on his tongue because they were said so rarely. They didn't need to be said; for them it was something that simply was. Most of the time.

“No matter how good you think I would have it, it still wouldn't be as good as when you're here.”

“Then why didn't you say so in the first place?” Ikkaku asked, “We're equal aren't we? It shouldn't be just you going along with whatever I say.”

“That's not it,” Yumichika sighed, “Going all out in a fight, whether you might die or not, that's just who you are. I don't want to be that person that tries to change that part of you, I rather die myself first. Because even though the thought of you not being around hurts, I still love that part of you too.”

“You could have at least told me if you weren't sure.”

“It's not that I wasn't sure. It's not like I would die if you were gone. I can live without you I just...really, really don't want to. Besides, I thought if you were sure you'd be fine than so can I.”

“What do you mean?”

“It goes both ways doesn't it? You wouldn't interfere in a fight of mine if I was going to die.” Yumichika pointed out.

“You wouldn't die,” Ikkaku said immediately.

Now it was Yumichika's turn not to follow. “What?”

“You barely ever get hurt in fights. You're not a reckless idiot like me. You'd never get yourself killed like that,” Ikkaku said.

Yumichika didn't know how to respond for a second. A realization was suddenly creeping over him and it was making his stomach churn. “What would you do if I died Ikkaku?” he choked out.

“But-”

“No,” Yumichika interrupted, “You don't get to put all the pressure on me and then none on yourself because you think I won't die. Stop and actually think that I might die because I can Ikkaku and I almost have.”

Ikkaku paused, closing his eyes in thought, considering a life without Yumichika for the first time. “What were your words again? Oh yeah, I can live without you I just really, really, really don't want to.”

“That was one too many “really”s.”

“No it wasn't.”

Yumichika's whole face turned red, a rare feat. “That was so cheesy.”

“I can stand to be cheesy once every thousand years,” Ikkaku said with a shrug.

Yumichika had to smile, but his chest hurt more than ever. Ikkaku was going to ask more questions he knew. He deserved to ask. And Yumichika would tell him the truth because he was up against the wall now and nothing will ever be the same again.

“I've never seen you severely injured before,” Ikkaku noted, “Like okay maybe I was being unfair trying to convince myself you would never get hurt, but I haven't seen you hurt badly.”

“I almost died during my fight on the pillar,” Yumichika confessed, “My opponent was stronger than me and it was through sheer coincidence...luck that I won. You think I'm not stupid enough to go and get myself killed, but I was about to let myself get killed because I refuse to let you know the truth.” Yumichika scoffed at himself. “It's kinda stupid how similar we are sometimes.”

“What truth?” Ikkaku asked.

Yumichika looked around him and saw his and Ikkaku's swords leaning against the wall. He stood and grabbed his with a shaking hand, standing in front of Ikkaku. “This sword,” his throat felt like it closed and he swallowed painfully, “This sword is not called Fuji Kujaku. It's name is Ruri'iro Kujaku. It's a kido sword.”

Ikkaku's eyes widened and he looked too shocked to answer, his brain was probably too busy taking in the information. Which was just as well because Yumichika wanted to get everything out before the end.

“And trust me if I could have it any other way I would, okay? I hate this sword,” he threw the weapon on the ground and the guilt he felt for that was nothing compared to all the other emotions swirling inside him, “I think it's the most beautiful and perfect sword ever and I _hate_ it.”

Through his speech tears had been welling up in his eyes and as they fell down his cheeks full force Yumichika slipped to his knees, head bowed in humility for the first time in his life.

“I hate it for making me lie to you. I hate it for making me hate myself. I hate it for being able to ruin the one thing that makes my life meaningful. I don't care how beautiful it is. Beauty means nothing to me if I can't have you too.”

The silence was deafening. Yumichika didn't know how long it sat there on his hands and knees, but it felt like centuries.

“Is that really what you think of me?” Ikkaku finally asked, his voice filled with a quiet rage he had never heard before, “You think I would end anything because of a kido sword?”

Ikkaku grabbed Yumichika's shoulders and forced him to sit up. “And how dare you think you have to bow your head to me,” he was practically shouting now.

Yumichika's watery eyes stared back into Ikkaku's hard, angry, but ultimately hurt ones.

“What was I supposed to think when everyone-”

“I'm not everyone! Sure, those idiots said some shit about kido users, but not me. I said I had no interest.”

He let go of Yumichika and they both sat back, visibly exhausted.

Ikkaku sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face. “I'm not going to ask how long you've been keeping this from me because I can guess, but how long were you planning on keeping this?”

Yumichika let out of harsh laugh for lack of anything else to do. “For the rest of my life? Until one of us was on death's door and I could get rid of the guilt without facing the consequences?”

“You really thought I'd end things over a sword? I knew you before I even knew what a zanpakuto was. I-” Ikkaku turned his face away, “I loved you before I knew what one was.”

Yumichika looked down, studying his hands instead of looking at Ikkaku. “You were so excited about...this after our first run in with the captain. Not that I didn't want to become a soul reaper or work under the captain, but you were so into it then I heard people in our squad talking about how kido weapons were for cowards and then I ended up with one. And you liked this place and what we do so much I thought maybe you could even hate me if I was the antithesis of it. Which I am, I am, I...I care about how I look a lot and spend lots of time making sure I look perfect and I'll leave an enemy alive if my hair gets messed up and I don't want to risk my life in a fight and I think my kido sword is beautiful. So yes, I thought you would hate me if you found out at first. By the time I considered that you would accept me anyway it had been too long and if I was to admit to the truth I would also have to admit that I had been lying to you for a long time.”

“'Anyway',” Ikkaku scoffed and Yumichika looked at him questioningly, “You really don't seem to get it so I will spell it out for you. I don't care that you have a kido sword. I wouldn't have cared if you told me as soon as you found out and I sure as hell don't care now. I'm not even surprised about it; it fits you perfectly. And you're right the only thing I'm shocked and upset about is the lie. Not only does it feel like you don't even know me or trust me, I don't think you even know yourself.”

“I believe I just described myself pretty well.”

“Part of yourself,” Ikkaku corrected, “Yeah you care about how you look and your hair and you don't want to die in a knock-down-drag-out fight and you have a kido sword that probably has a kickass power you haven't even told me about yet. But I know you still like fighting. You like to trash talk and brag and laugh at people. You're conceited and can beat up any guy below you in our division even though they are five times bigger than you. You can be both Yumi, you _are_ both.”

They are both finally quiet for a time.

“Never imagined I'd get a lecture from you,” Yumichika said.

“Never imagined I'd have to give you one,” Ikkaku retorted.

“Do you want to see it some time? Ruri'iro Kujaku I mean,” Yumichika asked, wiping dried tears from his eyes.

“You better show me after all this time,” Ikkaku said, “You owe me a hell of a fight too since clearly you've been going easy on me.”

Yumichika laid down, not caring that he wasn't properly on either of their futons because he was exhausted. “That was probably a few hundred years coming.”

“Can't do anything about it now except figure out what we're doing from here on,” Ikkaku said.

Yumichika shot back up. “What do you mean?”

“Now that I don't our rule isn't going to work we got to come up with something else,” Ikkaku said, “And don't try to agree with whatever I say anymore. I want to know what you really think.”

“Okay,” Yumichika agreed, nodding firmly.

“As much as I hate to admit it, Iba had a point too. Being soul reapers is our job. We can't just half-ass it because of some pride thing,” Ikkaku said.

“If you can help it, if either of us can help it, I'd rather we both stay alive as long as possible,” Yumichika admitted.

Ikkaku looked around and saw Yumichika's sword still lying on the ground between them. He picked it up gently and held it out to Yumichika. “Let's give it a shot.”

Yumichika smiled and took Ruri'iro Kujaku from Ikkaku. “Deal.”

Looking down at it now, he felt more pride for Ruri'iro Kujaku than ever before. Now, he felt he could get stronger.

Yumichika put his sword back down, gently this time, next to him so he could leap into Ikkaku's arms and kiss him.

But only a second later Yumichika pulled away guiltily. “I'm sorry, for lying to you for so long. I shouldn't have done that after all this. I don't even know how you feel about me right now. If you want to not be around me for a while I understand,” he said.

Ikkaku sighed, wrapping his arms more comfortably around Yumichika's waist. “I'm not exactly the best at letting you know my feelings. Maybe if I was you wouldn't have doubted me,” he said, “I messed up too so, let's both be better from now on.”

Yumichika nodded and let Ikkaku gently pull him into another kiss.

 


End file.
